In an effort to keep it real, I have something to admit.
I have been struggling lately.
I am not struggling with carbs or sugar. No, those are long behind me. I am struggling with the incessant need for progress and, dare I say, perfection. I always tell people to swim in their own lane, but I haven’t been taking my own advice. I haven’t been diligent in controlling my thoughts.
People ask me questions and come to me for advice on a daily basis. I easily say to them what I forget to say to myself.
I get people calling me “Keto Queen” and “Keto Goddess” or the “Keto Guru” which is all very flattering and makes me smile and chuckle, but let’s be real people: I have not arrived.
The only difference between me and keto newbies is I have been at it longer and have had more practice at being a very low-carb bad ass. Let’s face it, anyone who can give up bread for life is a bad ass. Sorry Oprah, you lose. [NOTE FROM BRIAN: That’s funny right there.]
As a lifelong fatty – meaning I was overweight or obese more years than not – I was at war with myself for years. But I am having a new war with myself lately. The new Mary, who should be ecstatic (and I am, mostly…don’t get me wrong) with her new body, younger looking face, excellent health, incredible energy level etc., instead is often comparing her new body to the “after” bodies of other women.
There are other women who have lost what I have lost and even more, but they have abs. I on the other hand, in the words of my 12-year-old son, have “flabs.”
Let’s just say that if 260-pound Mary was standing in front of 155-pound Mary, and listening to 155-pound Mary talk, 260-pound Mary would throat punch me, tell me to shut up, and tell me she’d kill for what I have right now.
So what is my problem?
I am a goal-oriented person and that means I like to always have something I am working towards. Even when I was fat, I was always working on something. It just wasn’t my body or health.
When I discussed my fear of “maintenance”, and all the sabotaging thoughts running through my head, with a friend, he reminded me that I am working towards things – like becoming a Certified Personal Trainer, starting a Keto Coaching business, and that my goals don’t have to be related to my body shape or size.
First I was told to chill, but then I was told to eat, lift and be happy.
That’s what I want right now.
I very much DO still have my goal of getting my body fat percentage down to 20% and I believe that if I just keep lifting and doing HIIT workouts that I will get there. I don’t feel a need to get there fast. After all, I am not looking for a quick fix, this is a permanent lifestyle change and I need to treat it as such. This is not a race. Whether it takes me a few months or a few years, I will achieve my goal.
I am taking the time to enjoy where I am, to bask in the attention, and to inspire and work with others who want to do what I have done or go even further than I have gone.
So, I chilled.
I am going to continue to eat excellent food.
I am going to continue to lift.
And that makes me happy.